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Please forgive me


From the book "The Beggar"
HH Bhakti Thirtha Swami Krishnapada

My dear Lord, it is I who was so fortunate to meet Your representative on this planet. I met that great Acarya, His e Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. He was so kind. He taught us everything, and what did I do? I did not take his association, nor his message, very seriously.

My dear Lord Madhusudhana, it is I who was so fortunate to take birth in a religious family. Everyone was instructed to worship and serve You in a loving way. You were said to be the goal in life. We were told to offer everything to You and to give all respects, and what did I do? I did not take Your association very seriously, nor did I appreciate the depth of Your message.

My dear Lord Madhusudhana, it is I who was so fortunate to lead a very diversified life. Brought up in the ghetto, I was able to associate with the rich and the super-rich. I was given an excellent chance to see suffering and illusion from all sides, and what did I do? I did not value these associations, nor did I appreciate the message that was there for me to learn.

My dear Lord, it is I who was so fortunate to be given a healthy body. With this body I could have rendered service to You and Your representatives twenty hours a day, but what did I do? I did not appreciate these blessings, nor did I use this body completely in Your service.

My dear Lord, it is I to whom You gave many spiritual books and other spiritual paraphernalia, and what did I do? I read them and put them aside. I did not fully understand the books, nor did I sufficiently attempt to enter into those pastimes.

My dear Lord Madhusudhana, it is I whom You allowed to travel all around the world, studying so many cultures, meeting many professors from various countries, giving them all the chance to hear the message of sanatana dharma explained by Your pure devotee, Srila Prabhupada, and what did I do? I did not represent You properly, not understanding that Krishna is the source of all success.

My dear Lord, it is to me You have sent so many wonderful devotees to associate with, so many mentors, and what do I do? I have not accepted any of my mentors (as I offend and challenge them regularly), nor have I valued the great mercy of vaisnava association.

My dear Lord, You have sent so many souls to assist me by removing any reason not to give this life to You. These disciples have undergone all types of austerities under my order, for You and Your service, and what have I done? I have not been a compassionate spiritual master, nor have I caught up with our great predecessors.

My dear Lord Madhusudhana, You are the killer of the Madhu demon. This demon was so powerful, but for You his annihilation presented no difficulty. My Lord, it is I that have a mind in which lodges such an active demon. This demon is an infant next to the great raksasha demons You have already destroyed.

My dear Lord, I am such a beggar, I have no one to turn to but You. I have taken all associations and opportunities for granted. Without your causeless mercy, my life is finished. I, Bhakti-Tirtha, cry out, asking that You please kill this demon in mind, allowing me to fix my consciousness totally on Your feet. I humbly make this request, but if I do not receive Your blessings, how will I continue in this body? Please, my Lord, appear fully in my mind, never to leave. I beg forgiveness. I am that desperate beggar waiting anxiously for Your rescue and established presence.

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